If you are, and have been for long, why? Is it your partner? Is it the difference in style preferences between you and your partner? Where's the hitch? ...

Dissatisfacti on is one of those emotions that we generally consider undesirable. It may sometimes live in the background. Often it creeps up on us when life seems to be going along swimmingly. Declaring our dissatisfaction challenges us. We mute ourselves because we believe that admitting it means we aren't successful or it will be interpreted as whining or blaming. We should be happy and we interpret that dissatisfaction is the opposite of happiness. The problem with denying dissatisfaction is that it persists.

A reframing of dissatisfaction begins with asking what it is. Dissatisfaction can be tension anywhere in the body, a sense that something is incomplete or out of alignment. In our attempt to make sense of disappointment we take these cues and label them as a bad emotion due to the discomfort we would rather avoid. And often we do. We try to convince ourselves that we are not dissatisfied (denial), we distract ourselves with some form of excitement (shopping, television, food), or we blame our dissatisfaction on what we believe is the source (spouse/partner, job, money), and never face it.

But what if we considered that dissatisfaction (and every emotion) is there to inform us about our interactions with the world? What might dissatisfaction be trying to tell us? It is trying to point to something important to us and something that could be improved. Perhaps there is a conversation missing. Or we need to make a request of someone.

What would it take to change your relationship with dissatisfaction? If you hold dissatisfaction as a negative emotion, shifting to the belief that dissatisfaction is a helpful emotion would be much better. Then you could get curious about what it is trying to teach or point you toward.

How can you shift from dissatisfaction to satisfaction?
- Notice the sensations of dissatisfaction in the body, emotions, or thought.
- Name them dissatisfaction. Declare it. Claim it. Own it.
- Accept it.
- Answer the question: What conditions would allow me to say I'm satisfied?
- Make a plan to fulfill those conditions.

Here's an example:
I notice an unpleasant resistance every time I think about asking for sex with my partner/spouse. Instead of enduring the discomfort, I tell myself (or someone else) that I'm not satisfied living with this. There must be a better way. I accept it. I'm not going to continue this way. I decide that I always want to have sex that is enjoyable for both of us. Alone or with help I create a plan to achieve satisfaction.

Moving toward satisfaction does not guarantee we will arrive. What often happens is that as we approach what we had believed would satisfy us, we realize it is not the end of the journey. Sometimes we make another choice, which is to live with dissatisfaction. Although the price of something I purchase may not completely meet my conditions of satisfaction, I may choose to accept it. This is something to consider in other areas of life.

How is acceptance different from complacency or resignation? In acceptance we're open to the possibility that at some point it may be different. In resignation we're denying that possibility. In complacency we're unwilling to make the effort to achieve satisfaction.

More at http://www.light-bringer-world.com/coaching-men