Do you ever wonder why some relationships last longer than others? And/or why some committed relationships seem to have a chemistry and dance about them that sail through the years? There are many possible reasons for this. But the one that I hear most often is that certain couples have learned what I might call the Erotic Tango. By this I mean that the couple is learning how to connect with the other with Passionate Sex more than Hot Sex. In other words, the couple intentionally tries to connect with his/her lover from the heart space (allowing them access to what’s below the skin), while deeply respecting the heart-nuances of the other.

This paradigm of Hot Sex vs. Passionate Sex has been around a long time. It is often misunderstood, and therefore treated as an unacceptable choice to most people. The truth is that both are healthy and important in a committed relationship. Hot Sex is described as having lusty encounters (often spontaneous) with toe-curling stimulation. Passionate Sex is having sexual encounters that reveal and experience your heart and soul (emotional intimacy) as you make love, i. an underlying passion for the other. Both are satisfying, stimulating and very lusty. Passionate Sex, however, creates lasting connection and deep fulfillment within a relationship.

In her book, Hot Monogamy (Penguin Putnam: 1994), Pat Love tells the story of a woman who attended one of her couples’ workshops.

“I thought I had a perfect marriage. My husband and I had the greatest sex you could ever imagine. We still do. We have experienced every known form of erotic activity.” She had no idea that her husband was desperately unhappy until he took her dinner one evening and announced: “I want a divorce. I don’t like the way you live your life. We don’t have any common interests. I don’t really know what you think or feel. I don’t even know who you are.” It took her three days to realize he meant every word he said. Hot sex had been satisfying enough for her but not for him. He longed for more emotional connection.

This same sentiment is probably said by couples all over the country. In my practice I often hear these similar phrases from partners: “There’s something missing in our relationship.” ”I wish my husband would give me what he gives his wife.” “I don’t even know her anymore.” “Sex has become kind of boring in our relationship.”

Developing a heart-space with one’s intimate partner takes incredible desire and courage. If a couple truly wants to experience Passionate Sex, they must cultivate intentional openness with each other. This in turn will erode fears that keep them from intimacy and passion. These fears, these “inhibitions, ” these “concerns, ” usually stem from unresolved or confusing messages about sex. Both men and women have been indoctrinated by cultural, societal, and what I call locker-room norms, with what each gender “should” sexually be. The results are that we have couples and families that hold on to fearful, unhealthy, and binding perspectives of sexual connection. Passionate Sex has often been reduced to: sexual performance that feels good to do together.

Again, this kind of sex is great and healthy, if that is what a couple wants. But if they want their sexual expression to go deeper and more meaningful, and/or if they want their relationship to flourish, resulting in more of a non-judgmental relaxed erotic expression, then the individuals are encouraged to find intentional openness with the other.

A tongue exploring my body can be arousing. Can you imagine having two or three licking your erogenous zones? I don’t care if people find that absurd. For those who have experienced such phenomenal, spontaneous acts, it’s nothing else but a mind-boggling experience!

If you think the idea is fantastic, then swinging is for you, my friend. Just remember, there are a few guidelines here. Couples should, at the very least, have a little history together. They should be familiar with each other’s emotional needs. The general rule of thumb is that swinging works best when couples view the deed as an enhancement to their existing sexual relationship, rather than to replace a failed one. If you are thinking of entering the swinger lifestyle, good communication is critical. Whatever you do, be sure that both of you are committed to it before even trying it out.

It’s by invitation only, usually. Once you’re inside, you’ll notice a relaxed atmosphere—unless swinging is beyond your principles, that is. Personally, I like the smell of sex in the air.
People who swing are normal people. A lot of them are professionals. Some are hot, but their sexual energy is a lot hotter for me.
It is not very easy to get an invitation. But once you do get one, there are several things to consider.

Don’t be a bedroom “cruiser.” This means going around opening closed bedroom doors and disturbing the occupants’ inside, ruining what they are enjoying. This also means talking loudly, entering another activity without invitation, and watching (voyeurism) without consent. These are considered rude and offensive.

No drugs. It is optional to bring some finger food, alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks for your guest.

To ease the tension, have some music ready. This can provide a more relaxing and comfortable atmosphere so everyone can blend in.

Another great icebreaker can be swingers’ party games which the entire group can join and have fun playing.

Be polite to everyone at the party at all times. If someone is not interested, don’t be pushy.

A girl can go alone, but a guy should always go with a partner. Some hosts and other guests often frown at the sight of one leaving the party without his or her partner.

Before the party, do a thorough hygiene check. Shower, brush, shave, clip your fingernails. If you turn up a mess, I don’t think you and your partner will be invited to the next one.

When there is a theme to the party, dress for the occasion.

Be on time.

Bring extra condoms. You should always be protected.

Why does sex often wane after the honeymoon? In the beginning of a relationship nature conspires to bring two people together. There is an amazing charge and excitement hooking up with someone new. Though there is usually also fear and anxiety, the turn on of a new body and being around someone who seems to really like you is stronger than the fear. Though you generally feel that you could easily be hurt, there really isn't all that much at stake in the very beginning. But soon, if you spend enough good time together and you're having hot sex, something happens. You attach. You begin to bond with the person. Now you are really in trouble. Now if something happens to break you apart you will feel really bad. This is a mortal threat. There's nothing like a mortal threat to get rid of a hard-on.

Most people love sex. And why not? Sex is the greatest thing we can do for fun that's free. Best of all, when you have sex with someone you love, it not only feels good physically, but it makes a contribution to true happiness and fulfillment. Almost everyone dreams of having love combined with sex as a big part of their life.
Yet all too many people have rotten sex lives. The dream for many of us is to fall in love, get married, and have passionate sex for a lifetime. For all too many people, though, sex falls off precipitously when the honeymoon is over. Once kids come into the picture many couples' sex life all but disappears. But even for couples who don't have kids, including gay couples, all too often, passionate sex has a short shelf life.
Sex falls off precipitously for many people after the age of 50. And even during the earlier years, research indicates that over 50% of married couples are not satisfied with their sex lives. A high percentage of women fake orgasm and their partners don't even know. By the age of 60, only 25% of women receive oral sex from men, which is the technique most likely to result in female orgasm.
Is there any hope for the sex lives of partnered couples? The good news is that at rates higher than ever, (at least one in three) people over the age of 60 are having vibrant, satisfying sex lives.
Would you like to improve that percentage? Are you a baby boomer who is heading into the final third and would like to make these days filled with sexual sunshine? Are you younger and want to do everything you can to make sure that the flame burns eternal?

Clients come to you looking for support, knowledge and care. Sexuality related concerns often come up with clients and service users. When providing support to individuals about sexuality and/or sexual and reproductive health it is important to be sensitive to the needs of the client. Your clients might be unable to talk about sexuality issues for fear of rejection, lack of safety, and/or due to embarrassment. You can build a positive relationship with their clients by being open and nonjudgmental, allowing clients to overcome their concerns of discussing sexuality. Clients may have concerns about issues such as unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections or relationships. Clients may lack sexuality information, life skills and knowledge of sexual health resources available in your community

Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them.”

If you're sexually active, particularly with multiple partners, you've probably heard the following advice many times: Use protection and make sure you get tested.

But what does routine sexually transmitted disease (STD) testing really involve? Not all doctors or clinics test for the same STDs. And for some STDs, including genital herpes and human papillomavirus (HPV), there's no practical way to screen everyone, so testing is usually limited to high-risk groups and people with signs and symptoms of particular STDs. Even if you ask your doctor to test you for everything, you can't know for certain that you or your partner will be screened for or clear of all STDs.

Not having sex (abstinence) is the only surefire way to fully protect yourself against an STD. However, if you've decided to be sexually active and you're not in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with an uninfected partner, plan on routine STD testing to stay healthy. Learn what kinds of STD tests are important and how to ensure you get them.

Routine STD testing

For women
At a minimum, get a Pap test — a simple procedure that collects cells from your cervix to test for cancer or precancerous changes. Cervical cancer can arise as a result of HPV infection — a common STD.

Pap tests are recommended for women who are age 21 and older or no later than three years after a woman's first intercourse. If you're between age 30 and 69 and you've had the same sex partner and normal Pap tests for the past three years, you can probably have less frequent Pap tests — every two to three years.

Routine testing for chlamydia also is recommended for women under age 25.

For men
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) guidelines don't suggest routine STD testing if you don't have any symptoms, unless your sexual practices include having sex with men.

If you're a man who has sex with men, annual testing for HIV, syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea is recommended. HIV and syphilis can be life-threatening if untreated, and chlamydia and gonorrhea can put you at greater risk of acquiring HIV and other STDs.

For men and women
See your doctor for STD testing if you have any signs of an STD, such as:

* Genital sores, including fluid-filled blisters, ulcerations or warts
* Unusual discharge from your penis or vagina
* Abdominal pain or fever along with unusual vaginal discharge in women, which may indicate pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)

The CDC also encourages HIV testing, at least once, as a routine part of medical care if you're an adolescent or adult between the ages of 13 to 64. The CDC advises yearly HIV testing if you are at high risk of infection — for example, if you've had unprotected sex with more than one sexual partner since your last test.

Ask for STD testing if you think you need it
Don't assume that you're receiving STD testing every time you have a gynecologic exam or Pap test. If you think you need STD testing, request it from your doctor. Talk to your doctor about your concerns and what tests you'd like or need.

Testing for specific STDs

Here are some guidelines for STD testing for specific sexually transmitted diseases.

Gonorrhea and chlamydia
Get screened annually if:

* You're a sexually active girl or woman under age 25
* You're a woman older than 25 and at risk of STDs — for example, if you're having sex with a new partner or multiple partners
* You're a man who has sex with men

If untreated, gonorrhea and chlamydia in women can cause PID, a condition that can lead to infertility. These infections can also significantly increase your risk of acquiring other STDs such as HIV.

Gonorrhea and chlamydia screening is done either through a urine test or through a swab inside the penis in men or from the inside of the cervix in women. The sample is then analyzed in a laboratory. Screening is important, because if you don't have signs or symptoms, you can be unaware that you have either infection.

HIV, syphilis and hepatitis
Request HIV, syphilis and hepatitis testing if you:

* Test positive for gonorrhea or chlamydia, which puts you at greater risk of other STDs
* Have had more than one sexual partner since your last test
* Use intravenous (IV) drugs
* Are a man who has sex with men
* Are concerned you've been exposed

Your doctor tests you for syphilis by taking either a blood sample or a swab from any genital sores you might have. The sample is examined in a laboratory. A blood sample is taken to test for HIV and hepatitis A and B.

It's possible that you may test negative for HIV, syphilis or hepatitis if you've recently acquired the infection. Tests for these infections work by detecting antibodies your immune system produces in response to specific viruses and similar agents. Because the immune response to some infections remains undetectable for several weeks, you may need to be rescreened at a later date.

Getting vaccinated for hepatitis A and B can prevent these infections.

Genital herpes
No good screening test exists for herpes, a viral infection that can be transmitted even when a person doesn't have symptoms.

Your doctor may take a tissue scraping or culture of blisters or early ulcers, if you have them, for examination in a laboratory. But a negative test doesn't rule out herpes as a cause for genital ulcerations.

A blood test also may help detect a herpes infection, but results aren't always conclusive. You may ask for a "type-specific" IgG blood test, which differentiates between the two types of the herpes virus, measuring antibodies to the viruses in your blood. Type 1 is the virus that more typically causes cold sores, although it can also cause genital sores. Type 2 is the virus that more typically causes genital sores. Still, the results may not be totally clear, depending on the sensitivity of the test and the stage of the infection. False-positive and false-negative results are possible.

HPV
Being infected with certain types of human papillomavirus (HPV) is the most important risk factor for developing cervical cancer.

No HPV screening test is available for men, in whom the infection is diagnosed only by visual inspection or biopsy of genital warts that don't appear in every case. In women, HPV testing involves:

* Pap test, once a year if you're younger than age 30 or every three years if you're age 30 or older and have had normal test results your past three tests
* DNA test of the HPV virus, in combination with a Pap test, if you're over age 30

The HPV test is collected with a brushing from the cervical canal. Women with both a negative Pap test and a negative HPV DNA test are at low risk of developing significant precancerous changes of the cervix over the next three years.

The combination of Pap test and HPV DNA testing is not approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for women younger than 30 because HPV infections that will ultimately clear up on their own are more common in this age group, and a positive test result may lead to unnecessary additional testing and treatment.

The HPV DNA test can test for both low-risk types of HPV, which may cause genital warts, and high-risk types that may cause cervical cancer. Your doctor may recommend testing only for the high-risk types because of their threat to your health. Since no treatments exist for HPV itself — although treatments do exist for genital wart outbreaks caused by HPV — paying for a test to find the low-risk types may be of little use to you.

Girls and women ages 9 to 26 can help prevent HPV infection by receiving the HPV vaccine.

At-home STD testing

Gaining acceptance and popularity are at-home test kits for certain STDs, such as chlamydia and gonorrhea. For home STD testing, you collect a urine sample or a genital or rectal swab and then send it to a laboratory for analysis. Some tests require both types of samples. You can usually get test results in a few days, and you're able to collect the sample in the privacy of your home without need for a pelvic exam or office visit.

However, tests done on samples you collect yourself may have a higher rate of false-positive results, meaning the test indicates you have an STD that you really don't have. If you test positive from a home test, contact your doctor or a public health clinic to confirm the test results.

Positive test results

If you test positive for an STD, the next step is to consider further testing and then to get treatment as recommended by your doctor. In addition, inform your sex partners. Your partners need to be evaluated and treated, because you can pass some infections back and forth.

Expect to feel various emotions. You may feel ashamed, angry or afraid. It may help to remind yourself that you've done the right thing by getting tested so that you can inform your partners and get treated. Talk with your doctor about your concerns.

Before having sex with a new partner

If you can't trust a partner not to give you an STD, you may not want to have sex with that person. You can ask them to be tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, syphilis and hepatitis, but negative tests don't guarantee against all STDs.

If you decide to have sex, use condoms. Although they offer only limited protection against herpes, HPV and other infections transmissible without intercourse, condoms do help protect against HIV, chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhea.

Many men find the best way to prevent premature ejaculation is to think about something dull to regain control over their time of ejaculation. When first starting a sexual relationship, some men find that the sexual excitement causes them to ejaculate before intercourse has even begun. With time most men learn how to control this. Wearing a condom can help as it can reduce sensitivity a little. Condoms containing a mild anaesthetic in the tip are also available in some countries to help further reduce sensation and delay ejaculation.

Oral sex is when one person licks or sucks another person's penis or vaginal area. When oral sex is done to a man it is sometimes called a blowjob or giving head. When it is done to a woman it is sometimes called licking out or eating pussy. If two people have oral sex with each other at the same time it is sometimes called a 69 because of the shape their bodies make. A woman cannot get pregnant from giving oral sex to a man, even if she swallows his sperm.

AVERT has more about oral sex.

Men usually masturbate by grasping the penis and moving their hand up and down rapidly until they ejaculate ("come"). Women rub their clitoris and vulva and may move one or several fingers up and down inside their vagina until they orgasm. Everybody has their own way of masturbating that feels good for them.

Other websites have more about both male and female masturbation

Safer sex is protecting yourself and your partner from any sexually transmitted diseases including HIV. It is wrong to assume this only applies to young people as STDs and HIV can affect anyone at any age. Having sex safely isn’t just about stopping the conception of a child and safer sex doesn’t even have to be sexual intercourse.

To have safer sex it is important to either use a condom or to make sure neither you nor your partner are infected with HIV or any STD. It is also essential to make sure you are not at risk of infection by any other means such as health care work or injecting drug use.

Alternatively, as STDs and HIV can be transmitted through sexual fluids and blood, there is the option to do sexual acts that do not involve any contact with these.
Therefore safer sex can be non-penetrative sex and just foreplay acts, or to a greater extent safer sex can be abstinence.

The word sex is used to refer to a variety of sexual activities, and can mean different things to different people. Usually when people talk about sex they mean sexual intercourse or 'penetrative sex' between a man and a woman. But sex can also refer to sexual activities between two men or between two women. Sex does not just refer to vaginal sex, it can mean oral sex and anal sex as well.

There are many sexual activities that people enjoy doing which don't involve sexual intercourse, for example kissing or mutual masturbation. Sex is also not just physical; it can involve strong emotions and have a significant effect on people's feelings.